I Wonder,,,

I wonder about so many things. You would think that after seven decades on this earth, I would have more of the answers. And maybe I wouldn't be so curious.

I can remember watching the grownups around me when I was a child and as a teenager. How wonderful, I thought, to know. To have the answers. To not have to question why or how. They seemed to just know what to do and say. A good share of the teachers I had in school knew their stuff and were able to answer most of my questions. My father, especially, seemed quite wise and full of knowledge. He, and his Sister Zoe, had a way of speaking that was like a declarative statement. That what they said was the way it was. I suppose all his years of umpiring and refereeing may have contributed to his emphatic way of speaking.

What a shock it was to me when I was in my twenties and ran into a situation where Dad was wrong, not only wrong, but very wrong. I don't even remember what it was, but it rocked the pillars of my rather narrow world. As my own life went on, I began to realize that I would never have all the answers. And neither did anyone else I knew.

Dealing with a hyper-active autistic child taught me even more about the need for flexibility and "going with the flow." When the doctors shake their heads and tell you they don't know why (remember this was over fifty years ago...) or how you should handle it, you realize that they don't have all the answers either.

Remember how Ricky would say to Lucy after one of her escapades on I Love Lucy, "you've got a lot of splaining to do!"? My Grandmother Kubik used to say that she had so many questions to ask God when she died. That's kind of the way I feel these days. There are so many things happening in the world that I don't understand. I guess I'll just continue to wonder...